Our reporter’s done a lot of work on his outside. Now, it’s time for the inside.
Long-time readers of our website will no doubt have noticed the rather drastic change in how our star reporter Mr. Sato looks. Although he was always daring in terms of making bold changes in his look, it was around the time he got into pole dancing nearly 10 years ago that he improved his physique, which led to getting serious about other aspects of personal grooming and fashion.
As a result, he’s also been getting a lot of compliments from people he meets. You yourself may have even spotted him around Shinjuku and told him his outfit looked great, only to get a somewhat aloof response from him. This is something he would like to address now, so I will turn this article over to the one and only Mr. Sato…
I want to compliment someone’s outfit or makeup naturally, but why do I hesitate to say anything?
By Mr. Sato
In recent years, I’ve been getting a lot of compliments on my clothes. I’m not always looking my best, but I’ve been trying to be more conscious about it than before, so it makes me really happy when people say something nice and it motivates me to do more.
But despite this, I usually don’t compliment other people’s clothes or makeup. It’s not that I don’t like them. I want to but when I try to say something I freeze up and can’t say anything. After I part ways with the person, I regret that and think to myself, “I should have said something…”
Why do I hesitate like that? I feel like it’s becoming a serious problem of mine, so I’d like to reflect on the possible reasons for it.
I used to be lazy, or more specifically, I was lazy until I started pole dancing in 2016 at the age of 43. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate fashion, but I always figured I felt fine wearing whatever. Nearly all of my clothing came from Uniqlo and once I bought something, I would just wear it forever. I only bought new stuff when the old clothes wore out and that was the extent of my style.
▼ A 42-year-old Mr. Sato in 2015
I’ll never forget how a certain man made fun of me in 2015 for wearing only Uniqlo outfits. Back then, Uniqlo wasn’t as trendy as it is now but I didn’t really care about that. Considering that, it’s no surprise I was mocked. After all, it’s hardly something to be complimented on. But what really bothered me about it was that same man started dressing all in Uniqlo four years later, as if he forgot the teasing he gave me.
▼ To protect that certain man’s identity, we covered Yoshio‘s eyes with a black bar.
To give you a sense of just how lazy I was, I would sometimes go to bed without drying my hair after taking a bath. When I woke up I would have a hairstyle that defied description and gravity. I could blame it on my curly hair, but the fact is I just didn’t put the proper effort into it.
▼ A 42-year-old Mr. Sato in 2015
Looking back at photos of myself from that time really surprises me about how careless I was being.
But that all changed when I started pole dancing. I became physically slimmer and started to enjoy dressing up for performances. As I appeared more in front of other people at studio recitals, I got more motivated to wear nice things.
Not only that but being in my mid-40s, I figured no one is checking me out anymore and I might as well wear whatever I want! So, I began to coordinate the various things I wore more. It was as if the joy of dressing up was being awakened inside me and I even started wearing parts of my stage costumes with my everyday outfits.
I think the culmination of all this is an outfit that combines a leather jacket with bell-bottoms and platform boots.
The bell-bottoms were purchased around the same time I had my platform boots custom-made in 2022. However, I didn’t have an opportunity to wear them, so they sat in storage for three years. Bell-bottoms and platform boots are a hassle to put on and take off and they severely restrict movement, so they’re not something I would wear casually. I had been saving them for a special occasion, and it finally arrived!
I was invited to a certain event the other day and finally showed them off in public. A lot of people at the venue complimented me on my outfit, saying I looked great and the pants really suited me. Despite the thought I put into it, I never expected a schlub like me would be showered with compliments. It was even better because I was just trying to please myself with it and it felt extra good that others enjoyed it too.
It honestly felt like I was in heaven, and yet all I could say in response was: “Thank you!” What was I supposed to say in this situation? Everyone who complimented me was so wonderful and I wanted to tell them that, but I just couldn’t find the words. Most of the people were women and I wanted to compliment them too, but I didn’t know how. I felt pathetic…
It was like I was trying to say something, but for some reason, I also felt like I shouldn’t say it. I don’t know what that reason was, though. And the more compliments I got, the more I struggled to react properly and I eventually fell into a mild state of self-loathing.
“You’re just going to accept the compliment but not say anything back?” I would admonish myself, saying, “What are you? Some kind of celebrity? You’re just a regular guy, but now you think you’re a big shot!”
▼ A 50-year-old Mr. Sato in 2023
I was ashamed of myself for not being able to handle the situation and afterwards started to think about why I couldn’t find the words.
A few reasons occurred to me, the first being a thought that flashed through my mind that I shouldn’t say what I wanted because it might be taken as harassment. I’ve heard that just saying “You’re cute,” could be taken as harassment, but it seemed that even if it wasn’t, a woman hearing that from an old guy she doesn’t know all that well would be seen as creepy.
Another reason is that I just don’t have any experience giving compliments. It’s weird when you ask yourself how often you compliment others. I don’t consider myself a rude person and always say please and thank you several times a day, but compliments are given very few and very far between.
Women, however, seem to use compliments on a daily basis. They can easily join a conversation with friends or coworkers by saying, “I like that outfit,” or “Your makeup is great today,” right off the bat. I think it’s because they pay close attention to others and the words just come out naturally.
I, on the other hand, do not pay attention to other people. I don’t even notice small changes in my friends, so I can’t think of anything to compliment. I guess I just don’t have enough experience in the art of it.
▼ A 48-year-old Mr. Sato in 2022
The final reason, which I also think is the biggest problem, is that I’m just too shy. Of course, I could just say something minor, but the moment I try, I hesitate and it starts to sound like I’m saying something serious or confessing my love for them like, “T-T-That is reeeeeaaaaally such a n-n-nice, you know, outfit…” Then, I start imagining their reaction to it, which makes me hesitate even more.
Everyone who compliments me does it in such a breezy, natural way that it feels easy to accept. It’s like being handed a bouquet of words with no other baggage attached, and that makes me feel comfortable and happy. My compliments, however, are like handing someone an octopus I made from bent paper clips. They’re not quite sure how to handle it and things just get awkward from there on.
I don’t really want to be a guy who hands out insincere compliments to everyone I meet, but at the very least, I want to be able to respond to them in a comfortable and human way. I feel ashamed that at 51 years old, I can’t even get that right.
But just like pole dancing, I want to practice it every day, so I will be able to do it naturally. It might be weird for them, but I’ll start by complimenting my wife and coworkers more from now on.
Photos ©SoraNews24
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